When people ask me where I’m from, I respond immediately and without thinking: “Chicago”. I’m from Chicago. I’ve lived in other places, sure. I was born in Wyoming, spent time in Colorado, grew up in Iowa, got my first apartment in Minneapolis. But I’ve been here for almost a decade now, and this is where I live. This is where I’m from. Not Illinois, mind you. Chicago.
Chicago is sort of a funny place to live sometimes. It’s not easy. The taxes are high, the politicians are lousy, and the cops are… well, cops. Like in most cities, the good ones let the bad ones get away with it, so what’s the point? Who can you trust? With so many official adversaries, you’d think that ‘we, the people’ would unite as one common force, eh? Overthrow the powers that be, unite for revolution, and take back these streets! Right?! Yeah!? You with me?! Oh, no? You’re against me? But how?
Chicagoans are a funny sort of people sometimes. Instead of uniting, we seem to find divisions instead. North-sider or South-sider? Cubs, or Sox? You like The Bean, or don’t ya? It gets confusing! I mean, yeah, I’m a North-sider, and I apologize for my lack of street cred, but I am also a Sox fan! From before the ’05 season! I saw Frank Thomas play, hells yeah! These lines, they get blurred, overlapped, intertwined. And then the snow starts to fall… oh shit….
“Do you, uh… ya know…. Save your parking spot?”
Right or wrong, it is undeniably interesting. Quirky. Funny. I like to think about interesting things, analyze them. I like to take pictures of graffiti, for example, and if I were on a debate team in some great debate, I could make a strong case for or against it. But isn’t it interesting, I mean, in the least you gotta give me that, right? Serial killers, same thing. Scores of books written on why they do what they do. Interesting. That’s what I like to think about, and that’s what I’d like to discuss here. Not why a person saves their spot, but why they choose the specific items they choose! Each dibsy-miscellany says more about a person than you ever could have guessed. Allow me to explain.
Chairs
This is the old standard, where you see Chicago tradition come into play. Most chairs are large enough to be visible, resistant to moisture, and able to be grouped in pairs, thus giving the saved spot a solid visual representation. Over the years, however, the strong look of matching metal chairs with 50s floral pattern has dissipated, as more and more redecorating newcomers move into the city. You place a nice chair out today, it’ll be gone by the time your car is in rush hour, let alone if you put out TWO of them! Chair users have some level of understanding when it comes to tradition, but a large variety of sub-categories now shows itself: rocking chairs, folding chairs, small wooden children’s chairs. Most common is the broke-down three-legged piece of patio furniture. As contempt for the entire practice grows each and every year, dibsy partakers realize that their spot-holders may very well be tossed into a streets and sans truck. These people seem to long for tradition, by using chairs in the first place, but also understand the changing times. The use of items with little monetary value is essentially a psychological safety net, wherein the loss of a spot is limited as a social defeat, but not a financial one. It’ll be a bummer if they toss your old chair in the trash, but hey, come spring you would have tossed it anyway, right?
Milk Crates
The general lack of value and water resistant nature is the same here, but the visual effect is much different, not only from a chair display, but from crate to crate as well. Chairs offer a sense of comfort, and a bit of humor. What if a person were sitting in that chair? Maybe they just went inside for a moment, and will be right back. Perhaps the family is ready to sit in their outside chairs and look through photo albums! No one believes this, of course, but subconsciously these things rattle through our minds.
Chairs=sitting=relaxing. Milk crates though, totally different story. They represent hard work, organization, complete lack of money, and yes, theft. These are not relaxing thoughts! A milk crate is used by a poor person as representation of another task that has been completed, the task of shoveling. That is the basic assessment, but a single sloppy milk crate laying on it’s side is much different than two stacks of neatly arranged milk crates. A single crate is more on the poor side (probably lazy as well, the cause of the poorness) while stacks represent the hard-working side. I once saw two end stacks of crates, three high, with a dinning room chair in the middle. Now THAT is a nice spread! A well-balanced person, with a good work ethic, who also knows how to relax at the end of the day!
Orange Cones
As we all know, orange road cones, or other roadside safety equipment, are a symbols of caution, caution that is issued by a person of higher municipal authority than the average person. Now, it is possible that the people using these items of caution orange actually work for some construction company or roadside service, but I highly doubt it. These are people trying to increase the authenticity of their spot-saving. They are lending false power to their spot by reserving it with official looking visuals, yet upon further thought we are able to realize that a cone is no more official than a box of trash. Whether or not this fraud fools an individual is unimportant, it is the attempt that I find interesting. This shoveler has something to prove, an unrealistic view of their own authoritative power, and a general sense of being the one in charge. Bossy.
Bridges
Bridges are when a person connects their end-to-end markers with some sort of connecting piece. For example, two buckets with a broom going across the top. Now, you could dissect the individual components, but instead let’s discuss the overall formation. I really like the bridge approach. It has arisen out of necessity, but I think creates a great aesthetic. It shows exactly what the dimensions of a spot are. When everyone on the block is saving spots, it can sometimes be tough to tell where one spot ends and the next begins. “Is it the chair and the box on that side, or the chair and the stroller on that side?” The spot-holders know, of course, but bystanders should know as well. Bridges, along with matching pairs of items, create visual organization amongst what is basically trash and chaos. SPOT, SPOT, SPOT, CAR, HYDRANT, SPOT SPOT… Bridging shows creative organization, a visually oriented person, and someone who doesn’t need to conquer the world, but does demand respect for their accomplishments.
Items of the Young and Elderly
It’s not uncommon to see strollers, cribs, or small bicycles sprawled out. Less common, but still out there, are walkers, canes, and wheelchairs. These tend to have more value (for the metal if nothing else), so usually won’t last long on the street. In both cases, however, we have people and families in the prime of their life, yet also very aware of the entire cycle of which they are a part. One time I saw a high chair and a crutch being used in tandem and it nearly brought a tear to my eye. The kids are grown up, the grandparents have passed away… The formerly vital belongings of our loved ones have sat around in their own sentimentality, unused for months or years, until they are finally kicked to the curb, implying not only an emotional step forward into reality, but also a memorial for, and glorification of, past times. These bits and pieces show an attachment to the past, an understanding of the present, and aspirations for the future.
Trash and Old Furniture
Careless, lazy, new to the game. Trying to step into a reality they don’t understand, wishing to be a part of this spot-saving system. But their hesitation will prove their undoing. They put out trash with the assumption that it will be thrown out. Their heart isn’t in it, and they expect to lose. Expecting defeat and preparing for it are two different things. I’ve seen people use tree branches. Give me a break. If you aren’t even willing to bring something down from the house, then I can guarantee you weren’t the one to shovel the spot in the first place. I mean, I guess a weak attempt might give you a slight chance at spot-retainment, but I’m not impressed. These are the same types of people who shrug instead of answering.
Miscellaneous
We could be talking about absolutely anything in the world, and my favorite category will always be “miscellaneous”. This word represents the hodge-podge of life. Giant Coca-Cola displays, light-up Santa yard ornaments, dining tables with duel flower pots, and so one. Fill in the blank. These people are either new to the game, or completely bored by it. Either way, their heart is in the right place, taking something silly and making it even sillier. The difference between this and the previous category? Those who are of a creative nature will show it here, enthusiastic about being part of a system they may or may not understand. They push the limits of what is “acceptable” dibsy-savers, when they full well know that half the city views the entire practice as unacceptable. These people are fun, easy-going, and able to laugh off tough times.
Customized
My second favorite category after ‘miscellaneous’, yet offering an equal level of uniqueness. These people are pros, and for that they get the utmost respect. Not quite as crazy-creative as the misc. crowd, but equally enthusiastic, if not more so. “If it ain’t worth doin right, it ain’t worth doin.” Ever seen a set of two-tier milk crate towers, wrapped in caution tape with two matching wood trim connecting bridges? Yeah, well, I have, and that shit was invented for one reason and one reason only: To save someone’s fucking parking spot! These creations will go into storage for the six months they aren’t in use, and make an annual reappearance as soon as 3 or more inches hits the ground next winter. This past season I found someone using a saw-horse which was split into a pair of tri-pods. It was painted bright red, and the family’s last name was stenciled onto each piece. No one would have any other need for it, and therefore the chances of it being stolen are practically zero. Custom-made spot-savers serve no alternative function. This is the rarest of categories, but the most admired. The owners are hard-working people, ready to tackle any project. If Hank Hill moved to Chicago, what would he use to mark his spot? There ya go. A true Chicagoan, for sure.
Billy Roberts loves zines and fun and bands, and he runs Loop Distro.
